April 4, 2018

Okay, since I’m the only one around here man enough to say it. This last mass shooter was kinda hot. Show me your angry face, baby. Let’s repeal you outta those pants.

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March 23, 2018

dear #CW please get your online streaming sh*t together. I’ve been trying to watch the latest episode of Izombie for two days now.
Tried two different laptops and a tower, three different browsers and two different online providers. Your site SUCKS.
By the time I manage to watch it on your sh*tball website, I could have downloaded it illegally, gotten a virus, had the computer crash, taken it in for repairs, got new antivirus installed, gone to every website that I had been avoiding because I wasn’t sure my anti virus was up to date, found a girl who looks like the actress from Izombie, charmed her into dating me, developed a relationship to the point she’s willing to cosplay during sex, gotten her to dress up like the lead from Izombie…and had her read/act out the script from the episode , broke up with her after she realized that non of this is leading up to sex and so mocked my attempt at the difficult dual role of the cop partner and coroner and downloaded the episode again illegally, but successfully. That’s how slow your site it.
You site is a p.o.s.

March 22, 2018

RE: the bomber in TX,

Before finally being tracked down and blowing himself up, he made a 20 minute video rant.  If you only have 20 minutes of ranting in you, then you have no business blowing anyone up…or even ranting. I have 20 minutes of stuff to complain about by noon…and I don’t even wake up until 11.  pansy.

March 16, 2018

Little know fact, Jack Kirby always imagined his iconic visual energy effect to have a popping sound.  It being dubbed “Kirby Krackle” annoyed him and he died hating everyone who ever called it that.

…I just made that up, but I’d like it to be true.

March 16, 2018

Toys-r-Us is going out of business…I have no fond memories of it. Never liked that store as a kid, it was too hard to shoplift from.  That’s an important lesson. Maybe if it was easier to steal stuff, more kids would have gone there. It’s called a “loss leader” y’see. I steal one thing, BUT my parents by something for me and my sister…and get in a habit of going there…and so, go there for X-mas and birthdays and such.  You could still be a thriving business if I could have just stole a G.I. Joe figure once in awhile…your loss, not mine, Toys-R-Us. I just stole it somewhere else.

March 14, 2018

a quick scroll through my facebook newsfeed left me confused for a moment. I thought a bunch of kids walked out of class in honor of Hawking, which I though was ironic bordering on poor taste.

March 12, 2018

In honor of my Dad’s birthday Peter Paszkiewicz, I will recount childhood advice-ish from him.
When I was a child the cold war was going on and we were not concerned about school shootings, but nuclear war and invasion from the Soviet Empire. After a viewing of “Red Dawn” I was particularly nervous about an invasion.
Dad- relax, no one’s going to invade. You can’t “take over” a country with millions of people in it. They couldn’t change anything if they did. What are they gonna do? Put a camera in every single house to make sure everyone’s following the new rules?
Child Doug- haha, yeah…I guess they couldn’t.
….
Adult Doug- (looks nervously at smartphone)