Nov. 9, 2017

Being a professional in the creative industry allows me to enjoy youtube on a deeper, more meaningful level than regular people. For example, I can draw a picture of boobs and tape them to the screen during videos of my favorite youtube stars.

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No…I am not a “creep” I’m an artist. This is art!  Like that statue of David or something.  #art  Why is she looking at me like that? Oh, lord…she knows…somehow she knows. #shame #takingitdown #allmyfungetsruined

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Nov. 3, 2017

I hate to say it but I like Bill Johnstone better than Orson Wells as The Shadow. Possibly because the Shadow is a action hero of sorts and I can only picture the later years, really over weight, washed up version of Orson Welles from “at touch of Evil” were he’s constantly sweating and has labored breath when he exerts himself. hmm…actually I’ve changed my mind, that version of the Shadow would be awesome. “The Shadow commands you to slow the f*ck down…I’m not as young as I used to be, and I’m not chasing your frightened ass down three flights of stares. If fact…the Shadow is just going to sit here a minute (wipes sweat off of forehead with scarf) …I swear the cleaners shrunk this cloak. It’s very unflattering now, doesn’t help me project a striking silhouette…very unflattering. This is Margo’s handy work, I’m certain of that. I told that airhead not to take my clothes to the cleaners downtown. She’s got nice gams but nothing upstairs…do you have any rye?”
…if you’re not 95 yrs old you probably didn’t understand any of that. #youreloss #classics #otr #fukthisnewfangledbullshit #rattleametalsheetforthundernoise #talkintoacupforecho #buybluecoal #luckystrikes #lsmft

Nov.1, 2017

I’d like to add a phrase to the vernacular. “facebook help
It’s when you ask a simple question and get a reply that isn’t actually an answer to the question.
For example, you ask someone “where can I get a good chili dog around here?” and they reply “Oh, you gotta try a chili BURGER!” or “ewh hot dogs have weird things in them”.
I’ll use it in a sentence “Don’t facebook help me, tell me where I can get a good chili dog”

Oct. 26, 2017

Blah blah blah Stranger Things 2 …when the F8ck is the Punisher coming out?! You know what I want? I want this to all be some weird hoax and in the middle of episode 2 the Punisher shows up and blows away all the bag guys and we follow him as he leaves the town and from then on it’s the first season of the Punisher…that’s what I want. #Punisher #tiredofwaiting #getonwithitalready

Oct. 25, 2017

Re: the “racist” Corn Pops cereal box image.
If your child is looking at the back of a cereal box at breakfast, I assure you that issues involving race or racism are the furthest thing from his mind…a child is simply not thinking about that, he is thinking about how much he hates you because every other kid has a smartphone, apple watch, or tablet to entertain themselves with and he’s stuck staring at a f*cking cereal box puzzle.

 

Oct. 15, 2017

lowlife tip of the month-all you young men out there, when you date someone with a pet make note of how old it is. keep a chart of all of them with when that pet might die based on life expectancy…years later at that time start sniffing around again so you can be there when it expires, to get one last roll in the hay when they are emotionally vulnerable #imsosorry #isthereanythingicando #doyouwanttotalkaboutit #andoutthedooryougointhemorning
“plans are nothing, planning is everything” Dwight D Eisenhower

Oct. 13 , 2017

I’d like to suggest, in lue of recent news, that in tandem with of all the abstract ways parents try to instill confidence and self esteem in their daughters, they spend equal time reaching them a straight jab. It’s a nice quick problem solver for them to have in the ole tool box, when a situation comes up where the existential stuff isn’t suited to the task.
power from the hips and shoulders, twist the wrist, hit with the first two knuckles…aim for the bridge of the nose. Then other woman will know right off when they see a guy with a caved in shnozz that he’s probably a creep. #markofshame