April 5, 2017

Police-pepper-spray1

ah…don’t feel so bad pepsi, these things happen. It could always be worse….

Jaredpepsi

March 11, 2017

I Jadis…she’s purdy. She has a nice smile, doesn’t talk a lot, and doesn’t mind living in a trash heap. #twinflame She’s mine, keep your meathooks off!

AND…I have a plan, it might take awhile but she’s worth the investment. at some point, she’ll be a the guest of a comic-con that I’m also the guest of. and I’ve seen these actors after a few days of autograph seeking cretins, her self esteem will be about a 2. and with the stark contrast to people who want to ask her questions about zombies, my already dangerous charm will be devastating. she won’t know what hit her…it’ll days before she comes out of it. and I’ll be all like “nah baby it’s cool, I’ll pull out. Besides I’m sterile anyway. I torn both of my nuts open on a barbed wire fence saving a puppy from Mike Pence” ( or Nancy Pelosi…I have some time to figure out which way she leans politically, maybe I’ll say Margret Thatcher just to lay it on thick) and then BAM! Knocked up! and I’ll reverse psychology her fine ass and pretend I don’t desperately want her to have my kid and be trapped with for the rest of her life and be like “no way…that ain’t mine, prove it” and she’ll DNA test me and it and force me into her/it’s life. Hopefully by then England’s vote to leave the E.U. will have devastated it’s economy and she’ll marry me to become a U.S. citizen. Sadly, Eventually she’ll divorce my ass.

March 10 , 2017

“snowflake”?  Someone who needs a “safespace” from other opinions isn’t a “snowflake” that person is a “pussy”…and you are an ever bigger pussy for calling a “pussy” a “snowflake”.

March 8

It’s International woman’s day…International, think about women in other countries and about how they make their men a sandwich. If you live in the U.S. make your man a sandwich with Swiss cheese, if you live in Switzerland make him a sandwich with American cheese. Live it up, ladies!

Feb 20, 2017

I would rather have my religion, nationality, and sexuality insulted…to my face…every single day of my life, than live in a country where we all run around telling each other what we’re not allowed to say. You can say anything around me you want to, and if I find it insulting, I’ll simply insult you right back and we’ll both go about our day.

 

Feb 17, 2017

Had Casablanca on in the background, which in all honesty is a bit over rated. It’s a good movie but thick with flaws and heavy handed propaganda. Anyways, it comes to the end and a theory comes to me.  Perhaps Rick wasn’t being selfless at all. Perhaps in the moments leading up to his decision he thought back to the time he and Ilsa were together…thought good and hard about it and said to himself ” I’m putting this bitch on the plane with Laszow,  if he’s lucky German’s will shoot it down.”

Feb 16, 2017

Anderson Paak has a new single out called “Room in here”.  This jist of it is there’s a girl he wants to sleep with…it’s got a line in it that goes “You’ve got a face like Mona Lisa”.  Do your research before you put your creative work into the world, people. The Mona Lisa isn’t hot, by any stretch of the imagination. At best she’s homely. It’d take at LEAST 10 shots of Vodka before I started to think about it.   I’d sooner sleep with one of the creatures on the “Gates of Hell”, at least they’d be down for whatever I proposed.  Mona Lisa has “nah” written all over her face and would almost defiantly not leave in the morning with even a not so subtle hint.