March 11, 2017

I Jadis…she’s purdy. She has a nice smile, doesn’t talk a lot, and doesn’t mind living in a trash heap. #twinflame She’s mine, keep your meathooks off!

AND…I have a plan, it might take awhile but she’s worth the investment. at some point, she’ll be a the guest of a comic-con that I’m also the guest of. and I’ve seen these actors after a few days of autograph seeking cretins, her self esteem will be about a 2. and with the stark contrast to people who want to ask her questions about zombies, my already dangerous charm will be devastating. she won’t know what hit her…it’ll days before she comes out of it. and I’ll be all like “nah baby it’s cool, I’ll pull out. Besides I’m sterile anyway. I torn both of my nuts open on a barbed wire fence saving a puppy from Mike Pence” ( or Nancy Pelosi…I have some time to figure out which way she leans politically, maybe I’ll say Margret Thatcher just to lay it on thick) and then BAM! Knocked up! and I’ll reverse psychology her fine ass and pretend I don’t desperately want her to have my kid and be trapped with for the rest of her life and be like “no way…that ain’t mine, prove it” and she’ll DNA test me and it and force me into her/it’s life. Hopefully by then England’s vote to leave the E.U. will have devastated it’s economy and she’ll marry me to become a U.S. citizen. Sadly, Eventually she’ll divorce my ass.

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