May 1, 2017

A strange little bug has flown onto my desk, fleeing the rain. He looks sorta like a lady bug but green instead of red. I’m going to name him Herman. and Herman has one last chance to stop crawling onto the paper I am trying to ink before I feed his ass to my angle fish. They will bite your face off Herman. Right the F8ck off.

**update-**...I warned you Herman. I’m upset with you for making me do this.

***update***Herman can swim…and knows enough to swim to the edge of the tank and crawl out, and the Angel fish are uninterested in him. Fine, everybody just keep doing whatever the hell you want, it’s not like I pay the rent around here.

April 28, 2017

according to the news this week WW3 is about to break out…
Dear Millennials, on behalf of Generation X, welcome to our entire childhood. Don’t worry, you get used to it…and in the end it’s as anticlimactic as the last episode of Lost.
BTW, now you know why we don’t seem to give as much of a f*ck about all the things you’re riled up about…because we grew up under the shadow of -all life on earth could be vaporized in half an hour. .

April 26, 2017

There is a blind man who lives down the street, a very nice fellow. Every afternoon he takes a walk past my apartment. I see him from my window…taking a walk with his cane..tap tap tap…and everyday he bumps into the same railing by the steps. Everyday…EVERY…DAY…THE SAME RAILING. Tap tap tap tap bump…pause…tap tap… THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE I MOVED HERE THREE YEARS AGO. how the fu…the railing hasn’t moved, you understand? and he walks the same path. and there is always the startled pause when he hits the railing…as though it wasn’t there yesterday…and THE DAY BEFORE THAT.
…Part of me wants to shout out the window “look out for the railing”…but then I’d just end up in this f*cking daily cycle along with him.
…another part of me wants to attach a cream pie to the railing at face level. But…I’m not going to. I am considering- resisting that temptation- as my good deed for the day. I expect to be compensated in karma daily.

April 23, 2017

I never much believed in the #mandelaeffect or alternate universes…but then I just saw THIS on youtube…that’s not what happened? Hogan didn’t push out of that headlock at the 1:40 mark. Valdez did a run up the wall type thing against the ringpost while holding onto the headlock and flipped over smashing Hogan down…the move was called “THE VALTRON” and fans started calling themselves “Valdites”…I had a “Valdization is sweeping the nation” T-shirt it was power blue. I DID…#whereami #isanythingreal #glitchinthesystem

April 5, 2017

Police-pepper-spray1

ah…don’t feel so bad pepsi, these things happen. It could always be worse….

Jaredpepsi

March 11, 2017

I Jadis…she’s purdy. She has a nice smile, doesn’t talk a lot, and doesn’t mind living in a trash heap. #twinflame She’s mine, keep your meathooks off!

AND…I have a plan, it might take awhile but she’s worth the investment. at some point, she’ll be a the guest of a comic-con that I’m also the guest of. and I’ve seen these actors after a few days of autograph seeking cretins, her self esteem will be about a 2. and with the stark contrast to people who want to ask her questions about zombies, my already dangerous charm will be devastating. she won’t know what hit her…it’ll days before she comes out of it. and I’ll be all like “nah baby it’s cool, I’ll pull out. Besides I’m sterile anyway. I torn both of my nuts open on a barbed wire fence saving a puppy from Mike Pence” ( or Nancy Pelosi…I have some time to figure out which way she leans politically, maybe I’ll say Margret Thatcher just to lay it on thick) and then BAM! Knocked up! and I’ll reverse psychology her fine ass and pretend I don’t desperately want her to have my kid and be trapped with for the rest of her life and be like “no way…that ain’t mine, prove it” and she’ll DNA test me and it and force me into her/it’s life. Hopefully by then England’s vote to leave the E.U. will have devastated it’s economy and she’ll marry me to become a U.S. citizen. Sadly, Eventually she’ll divorce my ass.

March 10 , 2017

“snowflake”?  Someone who needs a “safespace” from other opinions isn’t a “snowflake” that person is a “pussy”…and you are an ever bigger pussy for calling a “pussy” a “snowflake”.